One-Liners✳
Fresh Paint
The sign said “fresh paint,” so I gave it a compliment.
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FRESH FROM THE FUNNY SIDE
109 jokes · RSS ↗One-Liners
One-Liners✳
Patient Queue
The queue moved so slowly that we all had time to become friends with the person in front.
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Cloud Storage
I tried to save my umbrella in cloud storage. It forecast a download.
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Long Book
I bought a book about shortcuts. It was surprisingly long.
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Quiet Alarm
My alarm clock and I have a quiet understanding: it rings, and I pretend not to hear.
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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
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I had a dream that I was a muffler last night
I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
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Never take advice from electrons
Never take advice from electrons. They are always negative.
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Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?
Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague? Now we just have to call him Dav.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?
Why did the opera singer go sailing? They wanted to hit the high Cs.
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Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?
Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a roman catholic.
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What's black and white and read all over?
What's black and white and read all over? The newspaper.
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What did the 0 say to the 8?
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.
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What is the hardest part about sky diving?
What is the hardest part about sky diving? The ground.
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What do birds give out on Halloween?
What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets.
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What was a more important invention than the first telephone?
What was a more important invention than the first telephone? The second one.
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What do vegetarian zombies eat?
What do vegetarian zombies eat? Grrrrrainnnnnssss.
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How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? 1 or 2? 1... or 2?
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Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?
Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships? So they could Scandinavian.
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What did the beaver say to the tree?
What did the beaver say to the tree? It's been nice gnawing you.
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What do you call corn that joins the army?
What do you call corn that joins the army? Kernel.
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Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated? He was Bjorn again
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
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Is there a hole in your shoe?
Is there a hole in your shoe? No… Then how’d you get your foot in it?
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